I am someone who is strong willed and I tend to believe that the mind can push you to accomplish anything. But is it always enough? When is it time to throw in the towel and say- I just can’t do this?
As I mentioned in my last post I have recently started working at Amazon. It is kicking my butt! Everyday I push through and the mind has helped me make it through the days- I just dig in and do it. But today- my body won the battle. I am really beginning to question if I can actually do this.
My muscles are recovering more each day. So it is not a matter of strength. I am strong enough to do the job. But is my health good enough to do it? I am starting to face my body actually interfering with my ability to perform my job. And this is extremely frustrating.
The doctors had suspected that I might have the beginnings of Rheumatoid Arthritis. But as it didn’t interfere with my everyday life we didn’t need to do anything for it. I actually forgot this was an issue- I tend to remember it during the cold weather when it flares up. It is one of the reasons that I fantasize about moving to Hawaii. That and the Ocean- oh and my daughter lives there. And did I mention they have Sea turtles? Oh- I digress…
Back to the topic at hand! Yesterday by the end of my shift my hands hurt so bad- I could barely grasp the items. The pain as I placed even a fingertip on the buttons was excruciating. But it was my last two hours- that it really kicked in. I just used mind over body to make it through the day. And just like every other day I was able to.
Today was different. Unlike the other days when I woke up refreshed and as the day progressed the pain would kick in. No- today I woke up and my hands were throbbing. I started off the day with the intense pain in my hands. I was working minute by minute- humming songs to get me through. But it was awful. I discovered there was a vending machine that you can get Tylenol from. Praise god! After the Tylenol kicked in the pain subsided marginally. I got new hope that I could do this. After another hour the pain was so intense. I had sharp shooting pain going up my arm from my hands. I just kept telling myself you can do this. You have to do this. Keep going Sarah!
But then that voice of everyone I know crept in. It was telling me to “Please listen to your body!” And I realized I just couldn’t keep going. I am in this for the long haul- and if I blow out my hands then I will be screwed! So I went home early. And surprisingly- I Had accrued enough sick time and personal time last week to cover going home the 4 1/2 hours early. This will keep it from affecting my attendance.
Tomorrow is a new day. Fingers crossed that I will wake up pain free. I am only working 5 hours tomorrow. I can do that! Next week I may have to not aim at the 60 hours. I may just aim at 50 hours. I am fortunate to be able to pick my shifts.
It is not a choice- I must do this. So I am determined to get up tomorrow and make it through the day.
I do love to hear from you! Please scroll down to the bottom!